


And the World Was Gone

by queenannabethwinchester (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Soldier!Dean, soldier!Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-08
Updated: 2013-09-08
Packaged: 2017-12-25 23:17:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/958785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/queenannabethwinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an AU that follows Dean and Castiel’s relationship from their first meeting at age eleven.</p><p>Don't be terribly afraid of the major character death warning. There will be a resolved and happy ending. Though there's a good chance you still may need tissues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And the World Was Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Title is based off of the Snow Ghosts song of the same name.
> 
> Don't listen to 'Hallelujah' by the Canadian Tenors while reading. It won't go well, trust me.

**Eleven Years Old**

Castiel looked around slowly as he walked into the room. His heart was pounding away and his palms were sweaty. He wiped them on his worn jeans as the teacher ushered him into her classroom.  
“Everyone be quiet.” She said, hushing the rest of the sixth graders.

He reached up, nervously trying and failing to flatten his messy hair. A few giggles littered the air as the class looked at his too baggy clothing and scuffed tennis shoes. Castiel flushed red and looked down at the ground.

“This is Castiel Novak.” The teacher said, a disapproving tone in her voice as she glared around the class. “He’s a new student here and I want each and every one of you to welcome him. Castiel… hmm… you can go sit at the back beside Mr. Winchester. Perhaps you’ll be able to keep his incessant talking under control.”  
“It’s not likely.” One of the girls, a dark haired girl with make-up already covering her face, commented.

Castiel looked up as he walked in time to see her send a flirty look back at his seat neighbor, her eyelashes blinking quickly as if something was trapped in her eye. He followed her eyeline to see a boy sitting in the chair with his legs kicked out and his hands folded behind his head. He was looking straight at Castiel and all the dark-haired boy could see was green in his gaze. He quickly lowered his gaze and stumbled to his seat, sitting down and dropping his ratty backpack with a rattle as the teacher began talking about their assignments for the day. He pulled out a notebook and a broken pencil, placing them on his desk before sighing and turning to face the front.

“Hey.” A voice said, startling him.

He looked over to see Dean still watching him.

“I’m Dean.” He said, looking at him with a friendly grin.

He was taken aback for a moment, his eyes wide.

“I-I’m Cas-Cas…” he stammered, trying to get out his name in his shock.

Dean chuckled, leaning forward and putting his hands on his desk.

“I guess I’ll just call you Cas. It’s better to call you a nickname if we’re gonna be friends.” he decided.

Castiel stared at him openly for a moment, his jaw dropped slightly.

“We’re gonna be friends?” he asked, stunned.

Dean’s eyes sparkled at the question.

“Yeah, we’re gonna be friends.”

\----------

**Sixteen Years Old**

Castiel slammed the door of the Impala once he climbed in.

“You’re mad at me?” Dean demanded.

He glared forward, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Of course he’s mad at you, Dean.” Sam said, rolling his eyes from the backseat.

“Shut it, Sammy. This isn’t any of your business.” Dean fired at him before turning to his best friend. “What did I do?”

Castiel rolled his eyes and refused to meet his gaze.

“Absolutely nothing. Can you get me home now, Dean?”

Even his shithole of a house would be better than suffering in the car of the person he was in love with when the other boy had no idea. Everyone always said that sixteen was too early to decide but he was certain that he would never stop loving Dean no matter how the infuriating male felt about.

“Obviously I did something.” Dean said, narrowing his eyes at him as he pulled out of the school parking lot.

“You screwed around with Lisa Braedon. You know how much he hates her.” Sam commented, not shutting up quite how Dean wanted him to.

The tightening of Castiel’s jaw, however, proved Sam’s words to be true.

“Why do you hate Lisa?” he asked as he stopped at the stoplight down the street.

That caused the dark-haired sixteen-year-old to look at him incredulously.

“She threw my photographs into the mud in seventh grade. She started a rumor that I was gay in eighth grade.”

“You are gay, Cas.” Dean reminded him.

“It doesn’t matter! You don’t know how my…” he cut off, shaking his head as he wasn’t going to go down that road with Dean. “I wanted everyone to find out on my own terms! She put a dead fish in my locker last year and three months ago, she threw my camera into a puddle of water! She’s been nothing but horrible to me for five years and my best friend is screwing around with her!”

The lighter-haired teenager looked over at him with surprise as he drove down the street.

“Cas it’s not like I’m engaged to her. I’m just… you know… trying to get in her pants.” He shrugged.

He glared at Dean.

“That makes it worse.” He growled, turning to glare out the window again.

“How does that make it worse? Obviously I’m not seeking out a long-term relationship with her! She’s just hot!”

Castiel shook his head, trying to bury the emotions down in his chest.

“If you’re going to be with anyone, it should be…” he cut off, squeezing his eyes shut.

There was silence for a few moments.

“It should be who, Cas?” Dean asked, his voice quiet.

He took a deep breath.

“Someone you’re in love with.” He said simply. “And someone who loves you back.”

Dean let out a laugh, turning onto his street. He was heading for his house where they went every day after school.

“I’m sixteen, Cas. Who is possibly going to be in love with me?” he asked, looking over at him doubtfully.

When he turned his head and stared at the slightly older boy with a burning gaze, something seemed to finally click in Dean’s head.

“Oh.” He breathed.

Castiel flushed and turned away, staring out the window as he realized that he was screwed and not in the way he wanted to be by the older Winchester brother.

“Dang it! I was betting Mom that Dean would take until graduation to figure it out!” Sam complained.

Castiel almost smiled at the younger brother’s declaration but then he remembered what just happened and the urge disappeared as Dean pulled to the side of the road, still two blocks away from his house.

“Sammy walk home from here.” He said, staring over at Cas who was still refusing to look at him.

“But…” the twelve-year-old began to complain.

“Sam.” Dean said in a warning tone.

He sighed heavily and grabbed his backpack, sliding out of the backseat and slamming the door closed before stomping off with a pout on his face.

“Cas…” he began, his voice quiet.

“Don’t.” Castiel interrupted him. “I don’t want your pity, Dean.”

“Well then it’s a good thing I’m not giving it, then.” He shot back.

Castiel looked over at him with surprise, his blue eyes wide.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” Dean asked.

He looked at him with raised eyebrows.  
“Why the hell would I tell you, Dean? You were too busy trying to get into the pants of every girl in our school.” He fired back.

Dean’s mouth fell open at the accusation but he didn’t deny it.

“If I’d known…” he said, still shocked.

“What, Dean? What would you have done? Would you have abandoned me? Would you have gone over to Lisa and every other assbutt in our school who constantly make fun of me for liking dicks more than boobs? Would you have…”

He was cut off by Dean leaning over and yanking him in by his shirt collar, pressing their lips together roughly. Castiel was taken aback, his eyes wide as he stared at Dean before relaxing and leaning into the kiss. The other boy’s experience showed, his mouth opening slightly for his tongue to sweep across Cas’s lower lip before he nibbled on it. Castiel gasped, his mouth opening in the midst of his surprise. Dean took the chance, delving in and kissing him passionately. His hand slid up into Castiel’s hair and he ran his fingers through the eternally messy locks. When he pulled away, their eyes fluttered open and he stared deep into the deep blue depths of his best friend.

“I would have done that.” he said simply.

Castiel let out a breath, his hand rising to clench Dean’s jacket.

“Do you like me, Dean?” he asked.

“Fuck yeah, Cas. I just thought… I dunno… I guess I figured your type was the smart guys like you. You know, like…”

He didn’t let the older boy finish, yanking him in for another kiss that Dean quickly responded to.

“You are intelligent, Dean Winchester. That is one of the many reasons that I am attracted to you.” he said, pulling away from the kiss as he stared deeply into the other male’s green eyes.

A slow smile bloomed on Dean’s face as his eyes lit up.

“By the way, Cas… I think I might be a little gay for you.” he said, shrugging.

He let out a laugh and shook his head, pulling back to sit against his seat.  
“It’s about time you told me, you idiot.”

\----------

**Eighteen Years Old**

Castiel winced as he walked down the road. His ankle was throbbing as he limped away from the place he would never call his home. It didn’t matter that he was forced to live there. It was his hell. His hand reached up and he wiped away the blood that was trickling from his mouth. The echoes of shouting surrounding him and he almost thought that his personal devil might have been following him. A quick glance behind him proved that he was not being followed by the inflictor of his pain but it was a mistake because of the car that screeched to a halt as it almost drove past the street that he was currently hobbling down.

Of course he had to be driving past at that moment. There was nothing else that could have happened because fate was out there to screw him over. He tried to ignore the loud rumble of the black car as it drew closer but he couldn’t. Castiel just kept walking, pretending he didn’t see the car stop beside him and the driver leap out.  
“Cas!” the voice shouted.

He sighed and stopped, his head swimming as his aching body vehemently reminded him of his exhaustion.

“Did Zachariah do this to you again?” Dean demanded, running around to stand in front of him with a shocked look.

Castiel stared at him, silent and swaying slightly on the spot.

“I’m just tired, Dean.” He sighed.

“Bullshit, Cas. Your eye is already blackening and you have a fucking busted lip. I thought you said he stopped.” He growled, looking furious.

Castiel huffed and stared up at him.

“I guess he forgot to aim for my torso this time. Oh and he threw me down the stairs too. I probably shouldn’t have talked back.” he sighed, reaching up to wipe the blood away from his lip again.

Dean’s eyes were wide and anger was still flashing through them. He swallowed hard and clenched his jaw, wincing at the pain that radiated from his sore head.

“I’m going to rip his lungs out!” Dean yelled, fury radiating from him as he clenched his hands into fists.

Castiel looked around, his own eyes wide as he knew that Dean might be attracting attention.

“Dean be quiet.” He hissed, seizing his arm and dragging him towards the Impala despite his pain.

“I’m taking you to the hospital.” Dean replied, throwing the passenger door open.

“No.” he said, looking panicked.

The slightly older teenager stared at him with furrowed brows.

“Yes, Cas. Your body is fucked up right now. You need a doctor.”

He shook his head insistently.

“No one can know, Dean. Please. You agreed.” He said pleadingly, tightening his grip on his arm as he tried to get across to him how serious it was that no one find out what his stepfather did.

“I agreed when I thought it was over, Cas.” he argued.

“Anna.” He said simply.

Dean was silent for a moment, considering the implications behind the name.

“He touches Anna now?” he said in a low voice.

“No but he will. If anyone finds out, he’ll hurt her. I have to protect her, Dean. I have to protect my little sister.”

Dean shook his head.

“Get in the car, Cas.” He sighed.

“Dean…”

“We’re going to my house. Just get in, please.”

The car was silent as they drove. The older boy wasn’t even playing his favorite music through the speakers. Castiel didn’t bother to speak, staring out the window with his arms wrapped around his aching torso.

“Mom took Anna to Gabriel’s house and Zachariah’s passed out on the couch. They should be safe for the night.” He said quietly.

He felt Dean’s eyes on him and heard his soft sigh. When his hand was grasped and pulled towards Dean, he didn’t fight it. One hot tear rolled down his face as they drove towards the safety of Dean’s house.

“You’ll be safe for the night too, Cas.”

\----------

**Nineteen Years Old**

Castiel whimpered as Dean pressed him against the wall, his hands running up his torso as he pulled the shirt up over his head. He tilted his head back, allowing Dean to press wet, open-mouthed kisses to his throat as his stubble scratched his skin.

“Dean.” He groaned, gripping the other man’s back with desperation as his heart raced and his blood all seemed to pump to his lower half. “We have to talk about something.”

“Later.” Dean’s voice was muffled as he gripped Cas’s hips.

He sighed and lifted one of his hands to entangle in Dean’s soft hair. The taller male’s hips moved forward, grinding into Cas as they both moaned at the feeling of their erections rubbing together through their jeans. Dean’s hands fell to his belt loops and he dragged him backwards towards the couch of the small apartment. He fell back onto it, pulling Castiel with him to straddle his hips.

“I’ve wanted this all fucking day. You have no idea how much I thought about you.” Dean murmured, pulling Cas down to kiss him.

Castiel let out a moan of agreement as he rocked his hips, desperate for friction. He kissed down Dean’s jaw to his throat, peppering every inch of skin with kisses. Dean seized his hips, rutting against him for more.

“Fuck… Cas I want you so bad right now.”

He sat up, reaching down and stroking Dean’s trail of hair that disappeard under his waistband.

“I want your cock inside of me. I want you to fuck me until I’m hoarse from screaming your name.” Cas said in his low, gravelly voice.

Dean let out a groan and his head fell back as the dark-haired male unbuttoned his pants and slid down his body.

“Whoever taught you how to talk dirty is my hero.” He acknowledged.

Castiel smirked up at him.

“You taught me how to talk dirty.” He reminded the older man.

Dean grinned, amusement and lust mingling in his bright eyes.

“Yeah I did.” he said proudly.

Castiel dipped down, catching the zipper in his teeth and pulling it down slowly much to Dean’s vocal delight. His hot breath washed over his covered erection as he pulled his pants down as Dean lifted his hips to help. He pulled off his shoes and socks as well before kicking his own shoes off and crawling back up to straddle his hips once more. His hand went to his cock, stroking it through the thin material of his boxers.

“God I need you so bad.” Dean declared, biting his lip as Castiel rubbed the tip.

“Tell me.” Castiel said, his fingers dancing at the waistband of the boxers.

“I need you more than anything.” Dean groaned as he pulled the material down slowly, revealing him inch by inch. “I need you, Cas.”

Castiel lowered his head, licking a stripe up the vein and flicking his tongue over his perineum before sliding the boxers all the way off. Dean’s hands slid into his hair as he took the tip into his mouth and teased it with his lips.

“I love you so fucking much!”

Castiel looked up at Dean’s exclamation. The other man’s head was thrown back in pleasure so he didn’t see the sadness flash through the dark man’s eyes before he ducked down to touch his lips to Dean’s cock. He eagerly took as much in as he could, his hand wrapping around just below his lips as he bobbed up and down several times.

“Cas… wanna fuck you now. Wanna be inside of you.” Dean urged, pulling him up.

Castiel followed his hands, allowing him to turn him over and yank his pants and boxers off in one go. Dean reached underneath the couch, pulling out the bottle that was always hidden underneath there for these occasions. One of the best moments of his life was when Sam dropped an M&M and discovered the lubricant. He leapt off the couch with disgust and stalked to the armchair as he glared at his hysterically laughing brother. He was less than pleased moments later when Castiel informed him in a quiet voice that they had sex in the chair as well. When Sam asked what surface they hadn’t defiled in the apartment, they found it hard to come up with an answer.

Dean popped open the cap and squeezed the liquid onto his fingers.

“Open up for me.” he murmured, pushing Cas’s knees apart.

He let his legs fall open easily, lifting his hips so that Dean could access his entrance. When his finger prodded at his entrance, he tensed up for a moment before relaxing and letting his head fall back. Dean shoved a pillow under his hips before circling his hole several times to ease the way. Castiel gripped his shoulders, biting his lips as Dean slid the first digit in slowly. He didn’t have to prep him for long considering that they’d been quite amorous the night before. He was quickly able to add another finger to scissor him open. Castiel whimpered and bucked his hips when he purposefully brushed his prostate.

“So beautiful.” Dean said, letting his clean hand brush over Cas’s flushed cheek and his thumb swept over his swollen lips.

“I want you in me, Dean. Hurry the fuck up.” Castiel growled, bucking against his fingers as he added a third.

“Such a romantic.” Dean replied, grinning as he withdrew his fingers and reached for the lube again.

Castiel launched up, tossing the pillow away before grabbing the bottle from his hands and turning them over again. Dean smirked up at him at the quickness of the movements.

“We haven’t done this in a while.” he acknowledged.

“I know.” Cas said, grinning deviously as he poured a generous amount into his hand.

He let it sit there warming for a few moments before he began applying it to Dean’s erection. He tried to breathe evenly as his body ached for the other man to fill him. When he was satisfied, he tossed the bottle away and moved to straddle Dean. The other man’s hips came up to grip Cas’s, guiding him as he placed the tip of his cock at his entrance. He slid down very slowly, relishing in the slight burn as his entrance stretched out. His hands went to Dean’s chest as he pushed down against him, his tight passage clenching around his cock delightfully.

“Fuck Cas… you’re so damn tight.” He groaned, his head falling back and his fingers gripping his hips tightly enough to leave bruises.

Those were the only kind of bruises that Castiel was okay with having now and the only kind that Dean ever wanted to leave on him.

When he was fully seated inside of the dark-haired male, Castiel threw his head back and inhaled deeply before sliding up until his tip was barely inside of him before slamming back down eagerly. Dean let out a yell of pleasure as he began riding him eagerly, his own cock bobbing and leaking pre-cum between their bodies. Both men knew that it wasn’t going to take long, the stress of the day causing them to want it rough and passionate but not particularly slow. Castiel’s fingers dug into his chest as their moans and cries of ecstasy filled the air.

Dean began thrusting up into him quicker as they both drew closer. Castiel let out a cross between a yell and a moan each time his cock brushed his prostate, white flashes crossing his vision and his nerves all burning with pleasure. When Dean reached between them and began stroking him quickly, he fell forward and his forehead pressed against the other man’s chest. Dean continued slamming into him, both of them grunting and crying out. Castiel let out one long cry, his hands gripping Dean’s shoulders as stripes of come decorated both of their stomachs. Dean shouted his name in pleasure as his muscles clenched down on him.

His hot seed spilled inside of him as Dean continued to thrust, milking them both through their orgasms before he stilled. Castiel laid there, unwilling to move as he pressed his cheek to Dean’s chest. Their hearts pounded in sync as both men worked to catch their breath. The darker-haired male shifting his hips upward, allowing Dean to slide out of him before he settled against him once more and stroked his hand on his chest. Dean’s arm wrapped around his back and his other hand stroked through his hair.

“That was just what I needed.” Dean said when he was finally able to talk.

Castiel sighed and made a noise of agreement. As they laid there, reality sunk back in for him and he remembered that he did have to talk to his lover.

“Dean…” he began, solemnity in his voice.

“If this is about the trash, I promise I’ll take it out tonight I was just exhausted.” He grumbled, unwilling to move at the moment.

“It’s not about the trash.” He said, his hand stilling in its movements.

“Then what’s up?” Dean questioned.

Castiel hesitated, closing his eyes before taking a deep breath.

“I’m joining the army.”

There was a full minute of heavy silence. Castiel remained still, allowing it to sink in with the other man. Suddenly he was pushing against his shoulders and he sat up, looking down at him to see a shocked look on his face.

“When the hell were going to talk to me about this?” he demanded.

Castiel realized that it wasn’t just surprise in his eyes, there was anger there as well.

“I’m talking to you now, Dean.” He said, scrambling off of his lap as Dean pulled away to stand, finding his pants and yanking them on.

“No Cas… you’re giving me a heads up.” Dean shot back, turning to face him. “I’m asking when you were going to discuss this with me before making this decision? When were you going to give me a chance to say something about it other than, okay cool have a great time?”

Castiel squinted at him, pulling his own pants off of the ground.

“You’re angry at me?” he questioned.

“No Cas.” He snapped. “I’m fucking furious!”

He furrowed his brows as he buttoned and zipped his jeans.

“Why?”

Dean stared at him with wide eyes for a moment.

“Why? Seriously? Why the hell wouldn’t I be angry, Cas? My goddamn boyfriend just told me he was joining the army and I don’t even have a fucking say in it!” he yelled, all trace of a good post-sex mood gone.

“This is my decision, Dean. I’ve been thinking about it for a very long time and…”

Dean let out a scoff and shook his head.

“This is fucking selfish is what it is.” He accused.

“Excuse me?” Castiel said, raising his eyebrows as anger surged through him now.

Dean turned away, yanking his t-shirt off the ground.

“You heard me. You are being a selfish asshole right now. You didn’t even include me in your decision. Did it even occur to you how I might feel about it?”

Castiel pressed his lips together and stared at him.

“Of course not. You were thinking about you, not me.” he nodded.

“I was thinking about my family, Dean! You know that my mother has had difficulties with money ever since she left Zachariah and she needs help with Anna!” he shot back defensively.

Dean stared at him for a moment.

“So what, I’m not your family anymore? Did it occur to you that I could help you guys rather than you just running off to get killed?” he snapped.

Castiel sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“I have to help my mother and this is a stable and necessary job. Besides, the percentage of soldiers who die overseas is low.” He replied.

Dean stared at him incredulously.

“And what if you’re part of that percentage? What the fuck am I supposed to do if you die?” he demanded.

Castiel looked up at him, at a loss for words.

“Yeah, that’s why I thought. This is bullshit, Cas. Have you enlisted yet?”

He shook his head.

“I was going to tomorrow when the place opens.” Castiel answered.

Dean stared at him for a moment before shaking his head.

“I can’t… I just can’t talk to you right now.” He said as he shoved his boots on and grabbed his jacket.

“Dean…” he said, darting forward.

“I’m going out.” he said simply, grabbing the Impala keys that were hanging on the wall and wrenching the door to their apartment open.

The door slammed shut and the walls rattled as Castiel stood there alone. He staggered to the couch, sitting down and burying his head in his hands. This was not the reaction that he’d been expecting though he should have been. He thought since Dean’s father had been in the army, he wouldn’t be opposed to it. How wrong he’d been.

\----------

Castiel sighed as he walked up to the enlistment center, his necessary documents in hand. He knew that he shouldn’t have been doing this without talking to Dean but his mind was made up. He had to. When he heard the rumble of the engine behind him, he whirled around with shock on his face. Dean stepped out of the Impala looking exhausted and troubled. He walked up to him slowly, his head bowed until he got to him.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” he asked, feeling ridiculous for stammering just as he had during their first meeting eight years ago.

“I didn’t react the right way. I was just scared.” Dean admitted, looking regretful before staring up at him.

“It’s all right, Dean. I realize that I didn’t bring it up the right way.” Castiel sighed, reaching out to touch his cheek.

Dean licked his lips before reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out some folded papers.

“I, uh… I did some research when I was at my parents house last night.” He said, unfolding the papers.

Castiel immediately recognized them as the same ones that he was carrying.

“Dean… what are you…” he began.

The other man looked at him, sighing before reaching down to squeeze his hand.

“If we’re doing this… we’re doing it together, Cas. We haven’t been separated in eight years and we’re not about to be now.” Dean said simply.

Castiel gaped at him, his mind rushing and his eyes wide.

“Okay.” Was all that he could think of saying, all of the reasons why Dean shouldn’t go disappearing from his mind because he knew that he also had no right to tell him that he couldn’t go.

“All right.” Dean nodded, turning towards the enlistment center. “We’re doing this.”

\----------

**Twenty-Three Years**

Castiel hummed as he stared at the computer screen, slowly typing out the words as he considered them carefully. He reached up, intending on running his fingers through his hair. He was met with his closely shorn cut, forgetting that he no longer had the long messy hair that he’d grown so used to. It had been over four years but he still forgot from time to time.

“Who are you emailing?”

His eyes fluttered closed and he relished in the voice as Dean’s hand went to his shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly before he dropped into the chair next to him.

“My mother. She sent a few pictures of Anna on her first day of middle school.” He answered, clicking over to the email he received so that Dean could see his little sister grinning at the camera and waving in the next picture.

“She’s a beauty.” Dean commented, pressing the power button on the other computer as he brushed off his pants.

“You emailing Sam?” Cas asked as he continued typing the words to his mother.

He nodded, opening the browser and quickly clicking on his brother’s name to email him.

“He met this girl, Jess. He seems to be pretty in love with her.” Dean said, typing as well.

Castiel smiled fondly.

“I know that story. The two people in love at nineteen.” He said, grinning over at him as he pressed send on the email and stood.

“Yeah yeah… look where that got me.” Dean said, smirking back up at him.

Castiel laughed and swept down, pressing a kiss to his lips. Dean responded with enthusiasm, pressing up into him as his email was forgotten. There were hurried footsteps and the flap of the tent was yanked aside.

“Out here boys, stop mackin’ on each other.” their commander, Colonel Singer, instructed. “We got insurgents headed this way, heavily armed and looking for a fight.”

Dean and Castiel exchanged a worried look before they grasped their weapons and hurried out, the emails forgotten as they went to do their duty.

\----------

**Twenty-Four Years**

Castiel bowed his head as he leaned heavily on the cane that was necessary for his comfort. He took a deep breath and limped forward, ignoring the looks as he walked across the damp grass. He didn’t dare to glance up, knowing exactly what he would see as he approached the cluster of chairs. When he finally reached them, his head lifted and he saw a pair of hazel eyes staring back at him. Sam reached out, pulling him slowly towards the front row as he followed willingly, feeling numb.

He sat in the hard chair slowly, feeling a warm hand on his thigh. He looked up into Mary Winchester’s tear-filled eyes and clenched his jaw, nodding at her slowly before turning to face forward, his eyes traveling over the line of military men holding their rifles. His heart pounded as his gaze turned to the casket that was draped in the red, white, and blue flag. He felt his throat constricting as his eyes burned. His hands shook with the effort to keep himself from breaking down as the minister stepped up with a Bible in his hands. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw John dressed in his dress uniform just like he was.

“Dean Winchester… was a brave young man. He was a bright child of Lawrence and he will always be remembered as the smiling boy we all knew.” The minister began.

Castiel didn’t listen to him, his eyes unmoving from the dark wood casket where the body of his lover was encased. Screams echoed through his head and he tried to banish the bloody scenes from his mind. Pain radiated through his leg where it was ravaged by the same shrapnel that pierced Dean’s body and took his life. His hand clenched on the cane and he felt a hot tear slide down his face. A hand clapped over his shoulder and he glanced back to see Bobby and the rest of their platoon all seated behind him. After the attack, they were all given honorable discharges as well as purple hearts, posthumously in the case of three of their fellow soldiers including Dean.

Castiel nodded at him before facing forward again, his heart pounding in his chest.

 _“I’m Dean.”_  
He squeezed his eyes shut, the image of eleven-year-old Dean swimming through his head.

_“We’re gonna be friends?”_

Sam took his hand, squeezing it gently as his other hand was holding onto Jess.

_“Yeah, we’re gonna be friends.”_

Castiel flinched as he heard the cocking of the rifles.

_“You’ll be safe for the night too, Cas.”_

His body jerked as he heard the first round of shots.

_“I love you so fucking much!”_

He winced and let out a shuddering sob as the second round of shots fired.

_“If we’re doing this… we’re doing it together, Cas.”_

His eyes opened when he saw the soldiers folding up the flag. One of them walked forward slowly, bending over to hand it to Mary. She took it, nodding at him tearfully as she clutched it to her chest. The minister stood once more to deliver the final few words. They watched silently as the coffin was slowly lowered into the ground. Castiel reached up and clutched at the single dog tag that sat around his throat on a simply silver chain. The other was on Sam’s neck, his brother’s name directly over his heart. Mary stood first, walking to her son’s grave to drop a single white rose into it. The others followed, all doing the same as they filed away. Castiel didn’t move, staring at the open hole with his mind blanking out, thinking of nothing else but what he’d lost.

When the guests began drifting off and the family remained behind, he finally stood, limping to the grave. He stood before it clutching at his own rose, the thorns digging into his palm painfully. He didn’t care. He let it roll out of his hand, watching as it descended into the same hole that his lover’s body would lay forever. His chin lifted as he looked at the gravestone where Dean’s name was etched in. His breath caught in his throat as he rolled his shoulders back and lifted his hand, saluting the love of his life as his eyes filled with tears once again. As he stepped around the grave, Mary walked to him and held out the flag. His eyes widened and he shook his head.

“I can’t take this.” he refused.  
“Dean would want you to have it, Castiel.” She said softly, pressing it into his free hand. “He would want you to have everything.”

She reached out and touched the tag before leaning in to hug him.

“You’ll come for dinner next week.” She said, pulling away and reaching up to touch his cheek.

“Yes ma’am.” He said simply, nodding.

“Good boy.” She said, smiling sadly before turning to walk off with her family.

Castiel watched them go before glancing at the grave one last time.

“I love you.” he whispered before limping off as well.

\----------

**Twenty-Six Years**

Castiel clutched the bottle in his hand as he stared at the photo in his hand. It was entirely innocent, just a picture of two boys sitting on the ground and laughing as they clutched each other. They were thirteen, completely oblivious as to what would happen in the years to come.

“I don’t regret you, Dean.” He murmured drunkenly, lifting the bottle to his lips to take another swig.

It was his third whiskey bottle of the night and he was well on his way to the fourth. As it happened, he was drinking his deceased lover’s favorite drink.

“I never have and I never will.”

He laid back on the couch and leaned his head back.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

His hand lifted to touch the chain around his neck.

“I miss you.” Cas admitted, squeezing his eyes shut. “I need you so much.”

His voice broke and tears slid out of his eyes without his permission.

“I love you and I want you here. I just want you here. It’s my fault you’re not here and I want to take it back. Please just… just let me take it back.”

There was no answer. He didn’t expect one. No amount of pleading ever helped no matter how much he did it. He finished off the bottle before tossing it to the ground. Castiel was reaching for the next bottle before the liquid slid down his throat.

“You would be fucking pissed at me right now… wasting my life on this couch imbibing copious amounts of alcohol while the world keeps turning around me. I’m fucking pissed at you, though. You weren’t supposed to die. We were supposed to be forever and you broke your promise. Do you remember? The night before you…” he cut off, shaking his head as he didn’t want to think about it. “We agreed… you remember that? We agreed that when we went home, it would be our last trip. We were done. We were gonna get married.”

Castiel shook his head, taking a long swig of the whiskey.

“You lied when you said forever. But I forgive you. I know you would have stayed if you could. We would have had forever if we’d had a say in it. But we didn’t… I didn’t.”

He sighed, feeling his vision blackening and his heart thumping erratically as he laid his head back.

“I’m tired now.” Castiel sighed. “I think I’ll go to sleep.”

\----------

Castiel opened his eyes and jerked up, immediately realizing that he didn’t recognize his surroundings. When he didn’t feel the familiar bounce of the tag against his chest, he looked down with wide eyes. He wasn’t in his dirty clothing. His leg wasn’t radiating with constant pain and he didn’t feel the after effects of getting drunk.

“Hey Cas.”

His eyes flashed up and his mouth fell open at the familiar grin. Dean reached out his hand, helping him up.

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Wh-what…” he said, glancing around the extravagant room they were in.

“Always stammering.” Dean sighed, reaching out to stroke his cheek. “You’re in heaven, Cas.”

Castiel’s eyes widened even further.

“But… I didn’t…” he said, shaking his head.

Dean’s easy smile fell and he looked down.

“Alcohol poisoning, Cas. You were alone so no one was there to take care of you. You died on that couch. I hate you for that, by the way. We had a lot of good memories on that couch and you had to go die on it.”

Dean’s head lifted and he saw a teasing glint in it.

“You couldn’t have died in that chair? You know I hated that damn chair.”

Castiel huffed and reached out, taking his hand.

“You shouldn’t curse in heaven.” He said.

“Oh they’ll get over it. It’s not the worse things that I plan on doing.” Dean scoffed, pulling him in closer.

Castiel pressed his lips together and stared at him, studying every inch of his face.

“I missed you. God… I needed you so much.” he sighed, letting his forehead drop to Dean’s shoulder.

“Shh…” the other man said, stroking his grown out and messy hair. “I know. I missed you too. I watched you.”

“That’s creepy.” Castiel murmured, making Dean laugh as he lifted his head.

The lighter-haired man shook his head and pulled him in, kissing him deeply.

“I love you, Cas.” He whispered.

“I love you too, Dean.” Castiel answered, holding onto the love of his life as tightly as he could.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and feel free to leave me feedback. I always love it.


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